Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
