I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
