So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
