What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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