I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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