Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
