can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
