Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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