I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
