So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
