Already got asked if we're dating
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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