Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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