on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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