Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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