Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
wow bdsm is so cute
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
