Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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