he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
