Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
