I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
