he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
