it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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