Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
