she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
