p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
