You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
