i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
