Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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