She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
