You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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