mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
