she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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