I just saw a hot homeless man
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
