the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
