I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
