Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
tell me about the fingering
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