I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
