No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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