His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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