If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
