Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
