I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
