she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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