felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
