You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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