We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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