For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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