found the other keg... it's in the tree
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
