Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
