wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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