im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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