Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
