Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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